Presenting Problem: Fear of heights
Mary, a high-school teacher in her mid-forties, sought out my help because her fear of heights was severely limiting her free movement in the world. Her fear of stairs made negotiating new places especially difficult. “I want to stop being controlled by my fear,” she told me.
Goal: Mary wanted to feel comfortable and safe at all times, especially walking up and down stairs.
Highlights: When we asked when Mary’s fear of heights was originally created, her mind brought back an experience she had no memory of: when she was 4 years-old, she was playing with her cousins on a dock when someone pushed her off the dock into the water below. The part replayed the experience of plunging into the water in slow motion, showing us feelings of surprise, excitement, and delight. Mary saw the iridescent bubbles as the sun streamed down through the water. It was a serene, curious, and beautiful moment. However, as soon as her head bobbed up above the water’s surface, she was bombarded by her mother’s and aunts’ hysterical screams of fear. She immediately internalized their trauma and absorbed their helplessness, powerlessness, and self-blame. She instantly equated heights with danger. At that moment, Mary’s fear of heights was born.
In removing Mary’s mother’s and aunt’s fears, we not only discovered her own carefree feelings and energy, but we also uncovered her mother’s and grandmother’s fear of heights! We brought the part back into its own clear, confident, energy and transformed all of the adopted fears, related strategies, and defense mechanisms. This illuminating process revealed that the core of Mary’s fear of heights wasn’t even her own!
Results: When I first met Mary, she was pale and agitated after having climbed the flight of stairs up to my second-floor office. At the end of the process, instead of sitting down on the top step and going down one by one, as she usually would have done in that situation, she actually walked down the stairs, one hand on each railing. She just kept repeating, “Oh my God, look at me! Look what I’m doing!” all the way down. When she got to the landing, she looked up at me exhilarated and empowered. Since Mary’s six hour process over four years ago, she has had no problem with heights and is now an intermediate downhill skiier, much to the delight of her husband and family.
Presenting Problem: Self-Worth Dependent on Female Attention
John, a University student, came to address his excessive self-analysis, self-doubt, and harsh self-judgment in the absence of female attention. He said, “My self-worth is dependent on how much attention I get from women. It’s the biggest issue of my life and it’s wearing me out. My grades are also suffering because of it.” John was living in fear, always trying to be perfect and please people so they’d like him.
Goal: John wanted to be okay and strong within himself, and to feel happy whether or not he is in a relationship.
Highlights: During John’s five hour process, we examined and resolved layers of embedded rejection that he experienced when he was teased and viciously bullied in primary school. Part of his mind was formed to protect him from his classmates’ shaming racist remarks and physical abuse. As he only had the limited understanding of a six-year-old mind, he accepted their comments and decided that his survival depended on fitting in and being liked: “I will be safe if I can make them like me. I’m nothing if I don’t have friends.” John was also shocked to uncover the benefit of his part being bullied: “I have to be sick or something has to be really wrong to get love and attention from mom and dad.” Being consistently rescued from bullies at school was a constant reassurance of his parents’ love.
Our dialogue with John’s protective, people-pleasing part revealed that it believed that he was still six years old being tormented by bullies! The part had crystallized in this desperate stance and was continuing to repeat the only protective strategies it knew. (Dissociation between a part and the Conscious Mind is very common.) After working through these painful memories of bullying, and after updating the part as to John’s current age and situation, John and his protector part were guided to re-experience and reconnect to his own, pure energy before the decision to blame himself and please others was formed. At his core, he found a strong foundation of self-worth, self-validation, love, and trust. From this base, we re-engineered his protector part. As its new job, the part chose to be in charge of spontaneity, enthusiasm, and self-worth.
Results: One month later John reported being able to value and validate himself. He marveled at how much calmer and more energized he was feeling. He is now able to let things go and not take things as personally. Because he has stopped judging and analysing himself, he is experiencing much more joy and fun in his life. Now that John’s self-worth is not determined by being in a relationship, but is just a given, he has decided to focus on his studies and enjoy his friends. John feels that his CBE session was a huge turning point in his life: “I never realized how strongly my childhood pain was influencing and affecting my adult life.”
Presenting Problem: Self-Sabotage
Jane, a free-lance illustrator in her early fifties, wanted to end her self-sabotage. She explained, “When I start something, I feel it won’t work and somehow I make it not work.” She could only achieve up to a certain point, then things would fall apart. Consequently, she was filled with worry and fear and unable to move forward. She also described herself as “a glass is half empty” kind of person.
Goal: Jane wanted to have faith in herself and her abilities, and feel solid in her self-worth.
Highlights: Jane’s eight hour process involved healing two parts. Her self-critical part’s main function was to keep her in her place, feeling small and undeserving, so that she could never fail. It equated failure with the death of self-worth and ultimate abandonment. Ironically, the part worked diligently to protect her from failure by comparing her negatively to other people, making her suspicious when things went well, and keeping her “broken.” Whenever Jane took a step forward, the part yanked her chain by reinforcing self-doubt: “Who do you think you are? Other people can; you can’t!” Jane was surprised to realize that her worst creative blocks corresponded to this part’s most intense activity.
Jane’s second part felt intrinsically unworthy and did its best to keep her quiet, contained, and acceptable to others. In response to her father’s controlling behaviour and her mother’s jealousy of her self-sufficiency, the part concluded at age seven that Jane wasn’t good enough, and that she needed taking care of. After further questioning, her part revealed that Jane was actually born feeling she wasn’t good enough. (It is very common for babies in utero to absorb the impressions, vibrations, and beliefs of parents, especially mother, into their developing nervous systems). Her part feared criticism, and believed that Jane’s self-worth and intelligence were dependent on other people’s positive regard. The part’s only coping strategy was to escape into fantasy books and films.
Once updated, both parts embraced Jane’s Conscious Mind and were eager to perform more positive, helpful roles. They discovered a deep sense of calmness and empowerment in Jane’s own, natural energy. At her core, the parts were unified and felt complete and whole. After transforming all of their limiting strategies, the parts embraced their job of living freely, reinforcing Jane’s self-worth, and “just being.”
Results: In our review session one month later, Jane said, “I feel like I’ve retrieved my sanity.” She now refers to CBE as “one of the most important approaches to total health” she’s come across. Her bodily aches, pains, and stiffness have given way to a sense of physical flexibility and looseness that has “just become the norm.” She feels more awareness in day to day life, more steady, whole, and ready for anything. The fog with which she had been living since childhood is gone: “I have returned to myself.” In the absence of worrying, Jane’s life is more effortless and positive, and problems are seen as problems, nothing more. Jane described her changes as “incredible, profound, and almost miraculous.”
Subsequent Sessions: Jane’s initial process strengthened her self-worth and formed a solid foundation upon which subsequent changes could take place. Her second and third processes focused specifically on her beliefs about work, productivity, money, and success. We re-engineered a group of parts, including the part responsible for her creative block.
Compounded Results: Since completing these sessions, Jane has been able to move forward and achieve her personal and professional goals. She recently stated: “I feel more like myself than I ever have, and I really like who I am. Anything is possible now. I now know what it means to be the master of my own destiny!” Jane now feels she is a successful, capable force in the world, someone with the freedom and ability to create and direct her own life.
“The best apology is changed behaviour.”